Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
