Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
