Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
