just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
