can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
