Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
