Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
