Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
