Tell her she can't have a vagina
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
