Someone shit on the floor
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
