I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
