i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
