well I can't set my house on fire every night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
