I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
