dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
