He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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