No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
