she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
