I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
