I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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