We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
