3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
