I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The feeling are messing with the penis
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
