I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
