Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
