I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
