So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
