One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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