Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
