Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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