do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
