Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
