I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
