foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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