Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
