at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
