Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
