I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
