Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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