and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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