giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
