when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
