i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
