I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
