im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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