he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
