its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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