Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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