i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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