Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
