Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
