3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
