just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
