Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we should paint friendship bongs
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