It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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